The crying, whining, begging, head slamming, scream fests can make parenting feel completely overwhelming. Sometimes it seems as though the tantrums will never end, leaving us exhausted, defeated and lost. You may find yourself asking: what can I do to help decrease my child’s tantrums?
There are many things we can and cannot do as parents that will help decrease our child’s tantrums. It often feels like we are trying everything we know, yet nothing seems to work. We are exhausting our parental tools, but somehow the tantrums keep returning and often stronger than the one before.
Follow these 5 Tantrum stomping strategies to put your child’s tantrums to rest:
5 STRATEGIES TO HELP DECREASE TANTRUMS
1) MAKE A PLAN
This first step is a critical component to helping diminish tantrums. It’s important for you and your partner to choose a plan that works for both of you when the tantrums begin. For example: When a tantrum begins to erupt we will both not engage until he/she is calm and ready to be engaged with.
2) WALK AWAY
Giving your child an audience during their tantrum will encourage them to continue. You did not buy a ticket to that show, so you don’t need to stay and watch! Kids will take any type of attention, positive or negative. Therefore when you try to stop them from throwing a tantrum, they take this as attention, which encourages them to do it more.
3) DON’T REACT
How we react as parents will directly affect the magnitude of each individual tantrum. You are your child’s #1 role model and when you react, yell or begin to punish your kids for their tantrum, you are teaching them to use that same behavior. Model for your kids, calmness by walking away. (http://www.tiaslightham.com/2018/08/28/empower-your-childs-emotions/) use this link above linked to highlighted
4) VALIDATE FEELINGS
Validation is the first step in letting your kids know that they are being heard. Tantrums are your child’s way of trying to get something they want. Validating their feelings does not mean that you are giving in and giving them what they want, but rather you are showing them that you hear them. You can validate your child’s feelings by saying something along the lines of, “I can see you are upset and I am very sorry.” (https://www.mother.ly/child/two-year-olds-arent-terrible-theyre-just-learning-how-to-be-human) link this article above on highlighted phrase….
5) MATTER OF FACT
By remaining matter of fact and avoiding the urge to get emotional, it will help your kids stop their tantrum more quickly. You can state to your child, calmly and matter of factly, “I can see you are unhappy right now, but I will be happy to talk with you once you are done.” Here you walk away, without anger or emotion and wait for them to be ready.
These 5 steps will be extremely helpful tools for you and your child when tantrums arise.
By following these 5 strategies you will learn to disengage with the tantrums in a positive manner.
With these strategies, your kids will learn that their behavior choice to throw a tantrum will not work for them, but that you are still there to listen to them and validate their feelings and emotions.
The next time your child begins to implode remember to have your plan, remain calm, matter of fact, validate your child’s feelings and walk away.
This new plan will take time, patience and practice. You will make mistakes and that’s okay.
Keep practicing and don’t give up.
Tia is a Parent Consultant and works with families at Kidcrew Medical hosting workshops and consulting one-on-one. Tia is a mother to two young boys aged 7 and 9 years. She has a Masters in Early Childhood Education and was a teacher before starting her own business, Tia Slightham – Parenting Solutions Inc. Tia is Certified in Positive Discipline and trained in Positive Parenting Solutions. She has worked with kids and families for over 15 years.