Successful Parenting? There Is An Answer
Often time parents ask me “why won’t my kids listen to me?”
This is the million-dollar question, which in fact happens to have an answer and a solution. If you find yourself constantly nagging, yelling and reminding, but your kids still don’t hear you, then you are going to want to read on!
Patterns & Behaviour
The negative patterns and behaviours that we often find ourselves in are not something that we’ve done on purpose. We are not purposely trying to raise our kids to be rude and disrespectful. We are not purposely trying to create little monsters that feel that the world revolves around them and that they are entitled to anything and everything. The unfortunate part is that in today’s society we are doing just this.
When we get stuck on what I call the “hamster wheel” of parenting – the running round and round in circles getting absolutely no where- we train our kids that they are in charge and they are free to run the roost. When this happens parents often feel they don’t have a way out and that it’s just the way it is. I am here to tell you that YOU can change this negative pattern and fix these mis-behaviours.
YOU can help your child be the best they can be by creating systems and structure in your home.
Todd Sarner – Founder of Transformative Parenting explains that when kids are acting in a bossy or rude manner they are not trying to be disrespectful, but rather they are disoriented.
They are lacking the confidence that their parents are in charge and taking care of them. He refers to parents as needing to be in the “alpha position.” When parents lack control and lose their position, kids will instinctively try to take on this “alpha role” which comes across in misbehaviours. What this means is that we need to start today taking back our position. It’s our job as parents to rectify this situation, not our kids. It’s important that we start this transformation with consistency and commitment. Begin by setting the stage with boundaries, systems, and expectations. Stick to your new ground rules and discipline in a positive manner. Read more on this in my article: “The Key to a Well-Behaved Child – Discipline”.
By showing your kids that you are the “alpha” you are showing them that you are taking care of them. This gives them security and confidence. It sets the stage for you to begin the transformation. Along with systems and structure, you will be working to regain your positive connection with your kids – giving them the chance to have their emotional and psychological needs met. There are multiple parenting tools that you can learn about to fill your toolbox. By doing this you will be setting yourself up to be fully equipped to deal with any situation that arises. Parenting is the hardest job we will ever do and being a mom of two boys, I fully understand.
The key to successful parenting is gaining the necessary tools and remaining consistent in ALL YOU DO!!
Tia is a Parent Consultant and works with families at Kidcrew Medical hosting workshops and consulting one-on-one. Tia is a mother to two young boys aged 7 and 9 years. She has a Masters in Early Childhood Education and was a teacher before starting her own business, Tia Slightham – Parenting Solutions Inc. Tia is Certified in Positive Discipline and trained in Positive Parenting Solutions. She has worked with kids and families for over 15 years.